What slogan best captures the major political parties’ attitude towards equal love?
a) There’s just something queer about gay marriage.
b) Homoeroticism is only OK if you’re a straight footballer.
c) We’d sweep lesbians under the carpet if we didn’t think they’d like it.

In the industrialized world, Australian students spend the least amount of time learning a second language. Aussies say they don’t mind because:
a) “I can’t barely speak English!”
b) “Brown people understand pointing, ‘same same’ and ‘gimme’.”
c) “Isn’t ‘Contiki’ Japanese?”

Prince William has proposed to long-time girl friend Kate Middleton. Queen Elizabeth congratulated the pair and gave Kate which of the following advice:
a) Stay out of tunnels.
b) Don’t go hunting in a fur coat.
c) Do a sex tape and I will cut you.

Photo: Tim Carrafa (courtesy Herald Sun)

33-year-old Andrew McQueen (above) claims he is discriminated against by girls who will not let him compete in calisthenics. However, Andrew isn’t fussed because:
a) Tinkerbell cheered him up with an icecream.
b) His outfit means he can do special effects work as Gollum.
c) To take his mind off it, his parents let him invite the girls around for a sleepover.

Ticket sales are poor for the upcoming Ashes series. Organisers put this down to the fact that:
a) Most people think ‘Hauritz’ is a chain of budget hotels.
b) Put it this way: on a plane to England in 1989, Boonie drank 52 cans of beer. In 2010, our fast bowler’s name is Bollinger.
c) The people who want to purchase tickets are still on hold.

50 Anglican clergy have switched to Catholicism. The clergy traded to Rome after:
a) They breached the Anglican salary cap.
b) Their church’s intolerance of their intolerance was intolerable. 
c) Two words: itchy cassock.
 

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The opinions expressed in The 7PM Side Project blog do not necessarily reflect those of The 7PM Project or the Ten Network.