Crooked bookies have threatened a Pakistani cricketer for refusing to fix matches. How do they intend to hurt him?
a) 10-to-1 on both knee caps.
b) Let’s just say his tailender isn’t going to wag.
c) I’ll get you an answer next week I swear I’m good for it.
Why does Tiger Woods enjoy coming to Melbourne?
a) He thought he could get Oprah tickets.
b) Long flights give him more time with the hosties.
c) Australian women have the lowest rate of golf clap.
Psychologists have warned that the funeral of a TV character could cause depression in fans of Packed to the Rafters. If symptoms persist:
a) Consult your fictional doctor.
b) Don’t stress; Harold came back to life after 5 years.
c) Take up a hobby - maybe boxing. Start by punching yourself in the face.
A report shows that Australians donate $70 billion in unpaid overtime. However, employees mostly spend that time:
a) On the phone convincing their wife they have to ‘stay back late’.
b) Shovelling stationery into their underpants.
c) Carefully selecting the best font for their CV.
Julia Gillard has jet-setted the globe meeting world leaders. Critics oppose her travel because:
a) The PM’s job is to be in a constant state of readiness to dance with Kerri-Anne.
b) When Wayne Swan babysits, he doesn’t let us stay up late.
c) Who needs a reason? She’s a woman.
Scientists have found that heat from laptops may reduce men’s sperm production. They also found:
a) It’s Darwin’s plan to stop computer geeks from pro-creating.
b) Steve Jobs will increase male fertility with the release of iSperm.
c) If a laptop is near a man’s groin, chances are the sperm was going to waste anyway.
Answers have clocked off for the day and gone home