Most Americans would prefer to serve in Afghanistan than work at Disneyland. As a result, the theme park plans to:
a) Change its name to Talibaniland.
b) Train Pluto to sniff out roadside bombs.
c) Put opium in the fairy floss.

Year 12 exams are underway. Students should remember:
a) Always bring a sharp pencil, to stab the try-hard who immediately asks for more paper.
b) ENTER scores aren’t everything; it also helps to have a rich daddy.
c) McDonald’s is hiring for Christmas.

It has been revealed that Victorian ambulances are not equipped with GPS. Also:
a) Stroke victims are asked to get out and push.
b) Paramedics eat discarded placenta for lunch.
c) When a siren malfunctions, officers strap glow sticks to a kitty and swing it on the roof.

The Chairman of British Airways wants to relax airport security. Passengers have responded:
a) “Allah Akbar!”
b) “Will the wand still go wild when I sprinkle tin foil in my undies?”
c) “When I fly Jetstar, I’m expecting to die anyway.”

How does the Dalai Lama plan to spend his retirement?
a) By wearing a robe all day.
b) Getting into charity work.
c) Being exiled from a retirement homeland.

NASA wants volunteers for a one-way flight to MARS. Perks include:
a) Chicken or fish.
b) Dying alone.
c) By law of averages, passengers are almost certainly guaranteed sex with a crew member.

When in Sydney, answers choose to stay at the Sebel Town House.

The opinions expressed in The 7PM Side Project blog do not necessarily reflect those of The 7PM Project or the Ten Network.