And they said it wouldn’t last…

Actually, that’s not true. Every man and his grandma probably had a wager on the likely event that the marriage of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes would crumble.

But the how, when, and where of it all still left even the most entertainment gossip savvy of us (read: media whores) a little on the back foot.

It seems everyone has their favourite conspiracy theory, or an intriguing Scientology factoid which they believe may have brought down the happy couple.

Founded in the 1950s by science fiction writer L Ron Hubbard, Scientology has enjoyed a secretive and elusive reputation, by fiercely protecting its members and its teachings – requiring its followers to pay for the privilege.

Since filing for divorce, Katie has reportedly been stalked by Scientology-driven SUVs. The highly reputable folk at TMZ were the ones who blew the whistle on these shady characters, obviously taking a page from the “takes one to know one” stalker’s handbook.

The latest theory to emerge questions whether 6 year old daughter Suri was to be enrolled at the Sea Organisation, a notoriously zealous and hardcore offshoot of the Scientology empire. According to reports, members are required to endure military-style conditions and pledge their allegiance for one billion years - which actually makes it sound a little like a delusional Dr Evil enterprise to me.

This brings us to Suri – ‘Is she or isn’t she Tom’s child?’ ask the haters. After his union with Nicole failed to produce any biological children, there was wild speculation that neither Nicole nor Tom could conceive. But then Nic went on to have a gorgeous baby girl with Keith Urban, and when Katie got pregnant only months after she and Tom hooked up, the rabid crowd was sceptical at best.

It must be Chris Klein’s (Katie’s ex) they deduced! Or (get this) the product of L Ron Hubbard’s frozen sperm! That’s right, some whacked-out faction of people actually believe the founder of Scientology is Suri’s sire. C’mon people… seriously.

Another conspiracy that has hounded Cruise through the last decade is “The Contract”. For years, rumours have swirled that not only did Nicole Kidman have to sign away a 10 year marriage agreement, but that Tom actually auditioned actresses when searching for wife number 3.

But my favourite fact (that’s right, perhaps one of the only facts you’ll see here) is that all of Tom’s wives were 33 when they divorced him, and they are all 11 years apart (well, so long as you compare the ladies at a specific time of year… but whatever, it still totally counts). 3 x 11 = 33… I think my brain just exploded.

If he were to start auditioning potentials for the 4th round, these ladies would be my top contenders:

1) Rising star Blake Lively – we already know he has a penchant for leggy ingénues, and maybe it’s time to add a blonde to the mix? Added bonus – it steals her away from rumoured boyfriend Ryan Reynolds. That’s a win for all of us, ladies.

2) Scarlett Johansson – who was apparently in the running before Joey Potter came from left-field to snatch the bouquet. Scarlett is back on the market again after divorcing the aforementioned Ryan Reynolds. So clearly, if she’s prepared to let that piece of eye-candy loose, she’s already got a bit of crazy in her and may be into the whole couch-jumping palaver.

3) Kristen Stewart – at the ripe old age of 22, that places her perfectly to reign supreme in the whole 11 year difference domino effect. And just imagine, the girl who loves to scowl on the red carpet teamed with the most photographed film star in the world…

4) Demi Moore – it’s about time he goes for someone his own age, don’t you think?? Yes, if you can believe it, Demi also turns 50 this year. They starred together in “A Few Good Men” (does that make Jack Nicholson cupid??) and as she mourns her 2nd failed Hollywood marriage, perhaps they could find some comfort in each other??

July 3rd marked Cruise’s 50th birthday, where he celebrated in Iceland filming his latest movie ‘Oblivion’. The plotline revolves around a soldier being sent to a distant planet to destroy an alien race. Hmmm, since Scientology is supposedly based on the theory that we are descendants of aliens, I wonder how that lines up with Tom’s moral compass?

So happy 50th Birthday, Tom Cruise. You may have 3 divorces under your belt, and worship Xenu the alien god, but as long as you continue to run like this, you’re alright by me.

The opinions expressed in The Side Project blog do not necessarily reflect those of The Project or the Ten Network.