Who says science is for nerds with bad skin and few friends? Actually, to be honest, I say that quite a bit. I even said it this morning when the IT guy refused to show me how to delete my browser history. Plus I think he steals stuff from my desk.
But putting Steven from IT aside for a minute, this week there have been some amazing science stories that quite frankly, have been welcome relief from the destruction of Cyclone Yasi and violence in Cairo. I’ve decided to put them in order of scientific importance, starting with least important, and ending with most important. Enjoy.
5. BOY BUILDS DEATH RAY!
Yep, a freakin’ death ray. Instead of spending his youth facebook-stalking girls and teaching his pets to perform amazing acrobatic feats like the rest of us, this 19-year-old kid out of the States has built his own death ray! Seriously, this thing can melt metal, turn rock to lava, and according to Eric Jacqmain, offer the “power of 5000 suns”. The best bit about this story is that Eric no longer has the death ray as it was destroyed in a shed fire most likely caused by the death ray itself. Brilliant. Still, Eric, I salute you. Live long and may the force prosper with you.
4. JAPAN INVENTS SPACE NET!
You know how late at night when you’re lying on the grass in your backyard with your neighbour looking up at the stars... you should just make a move and see if they freak out. Life is too short to leave your heart guessing. Also, a Japanese fishing company has built a space net to catch all the space debris that is orbiting the earth. Why do I care? Because according to a US report last year, space is so littered with junk that a collision could set off a chain reaction that was capable of destroying Earth’s communications network... which means no internet... which means no ‘everything-that-doesn’t-suck’. I pray to the Spaghetti Monster that never happens. Good luck my Japanese fisherman friends.
3. ALIENS KICK IT, JERUSALEM-STYLE
Maybe it’s all the space junk we’ve sent out into their backyard, but apparently aliens visited Jerusalem last week and hung out at a major tourist attraction and religiously-significant temple. Don’t just take my word for it, check out the possibly-legitimate and perhaps-not-doctored vision The Age are running with this mind-blowing story! How weird that they’ve put it in their ‘Entertainment’ section of news. To these new visitors, I say welcome! And I offer Justin Bieber as a sacrifice, and a sign of my eagerness to see him probed.
2. MELBOURNE SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE CURE FOR HIV
Seriously, this story is the second most important thing to happen in science this week. It’s insane to think a cure for HIV could be just a decade away! Basically scientists have found by injecting a synthetic version of a hormone into a mouse, they were able to cure that mouse of a virus similar to HIV. Good news for that mouse, and because scientists believe the treatment could lead to a cure for HIV, good news for mankind.
1. SCIENTISTS MAKE STUFF INVISIBLE
Oh my Spaghetti Monster, this is very exciting news! Scientists have actually made an object larger than a microscopic particle disappear for the first time ever! By using light-bending crystals, they’ve effectively ‘cloaked’ a paperclip, making it invisible to the human eye. Amazing for two reasons. One: you can now hide your paperclips from would-be thieves (Steven from IT, science is now working against you). Two: the crystal used can be up to 21 ft long, so in theory and by my own conclusion, I should definitely be able to buy an invisibility suit within the coming months from K-Mart. I’m buying two. One to cloak my main one, so Steven from IT doesn’t steal it.
I dislike you, Steven.
The opinions expressed in The 7PM Side Project blog do not necessarily reflect those of The 7PM Project or the Ten Network.