Back to school with you, M. Night Shyamalan

A group of supposed movie fans have created a website dedicated to raising enough money to send director M. Night Shyamalan (Signs, The Village) back to school. Fed up with his recent cinematic attempts, these guys are suggesting another stint at NYU film school is just what Shyamalan needs to help with his “schlocky plot twists” and “canned dialogue”.

Sure, the already successful Hollywood director may have produced a few dubious films of late (yes, The Last Airbender, I’m looking at you), but it’s hardly enough to suggest he go back to the drawing board.

For the man who gave us arguably the best ever movie twist in The Sixth Sense (okay, so I’ll make allowances for Keyser Soze in The Usual Suspects – that shit still blows my mind), I’m willing to go out on a limb & suggest that perhaps he doesn’t need measures as extreme as being forced back to film school to atone for his sins.

Known for throwing himself into insignificant (but creepily obvious) roles in each of his films, don’t you think he adds a little something extra to your movie going experience? What kind of ‘Where’s Wally’ cameo spotting would we look forward to without him?

But all this may not be in vain – apparently if Shyamalan refuses to accept the cheque (and that’s IF they raise the $150,000 tuition required), the intrepid website gurus will start a scholarship dedicated to finding the next Quentin Tarantino. Well, that’s just great. Apparently there’s just never enough Tarantino wannabes flooding film schools…

Scarlett Johansson’s phantom pregnancy

Most of us would kill for a body like Scarlett Johansson. That’s just a fact. But I’m not sure many females would envy her pavement-pounding shoes this week. She’s been forced to deny pregnancy rumours after a photo of Johansson jogging with her new beau Sean Penn showed the voluptuous vixen apparently a little more voluptuous than usual.

Yeah, right. Only if you look really closely with your eyes kind of squinted could you suggest that insignificant curve to her belly suggests she’s up the duff. I know, imagine the horror - a Hollywood starlet actually embracing a healthy figure - surely being in the family way could be the only explanation!

Quick to jump to her defence, Johansson’s rep has claimed the “misleading” photo can be attributed to Scarlett’s unique running style, subsequent shirt placement & poor lighting.

I’m sure more than a few of us ladies have had to de-tag unflattering Facebook pics for a myriad of “misleading” angles. Sweet Jesus, if all women who looked pregnant in photos were pregnant, the stocks in Baby Bunting would go through the roof.

But this faux “pregnancy shock” hasn’t rattled the new couple, with tabloid reports claiming the 26-year-old bombshell has since shacked up with 50-year-old Oscar winner Penn at his multi-million dollar Malibu mansion. Why she would give up first husband Ryan “Abs of Steel” Reynolds for a crusty (albeit talented) man twice her age is beyond me. But she’s tossed him back to rejoin the other fish in the sea.

On second thoughts, maybe I should be thanking her...

You want to name the baby WHAT?!

And just when we thought Hollywood baby names couldn’t get any weirder, those beloved Beckhams come along & completely trump the status quo.

Former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham is due to give birth to a baby girl later this year, and when husband David went on US talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live!* to discuss possible names, he joked about potential options. Considering the flawless Beckham duo already have three sons named Brooklyn, Romeo & Cruz, it’s safe to say they stray from the norm. Let’s hear it David - I’m all ears, you effeminate god.

Middle son Romeo apparently suggested “Justin Bieber” be thrown into the mix of prospective names.

As in Justin Bieber Beckham.

Yep, the apple didn’t fall far from that tree, huh. When reminded that he’s going to be welcoming a little sister, Romeo was gracious enough to allow “Justine Bieber” – what a way to compromise, kid.

But if the gossip mill is to be believed, Victoria’s latest suggestion takes the cake.

Santa.

Yes, I’m serious. Apparently a legitimate Spanish derivative of the name Santana meaning “holy”, Victoria’s allegedly taken quite the shine to the “unique” name for her baby girl.

Yeah, unique is one word for it, Victoria. Like this little girl isn’t going to have enough of an uphill battle with Posh Spice & Captain Lilt for her parents, you’re gonna throw her to the wolves by naming her after a chubby, jolly man?! Why not just call her “Fat Bastard” and be done with it?

Can you imagine the field day other kids would have with this little girl in the playground? “Hey Santa, your mum’s a ho-ho-ho!!” Too easy...

Methinks baby girl Beckham will have more than enough ammunition to be quite the rebel when she hits her teens.

*This is the late night chat show which brought us the sensational “I’m f***ing Matt Damon” and “Handsome Men’s Club” clips - if you don’t know what I’m talking about, Youtube it now. You’re welcome.