YVETTE VICKERS

Now I’ll be the first to admit it - I spend way too much of my time watching any and all E! True Hollywood Stories, but I’d never heard of Yvette Vickers until last week where, unfortunately, her death brought her more fame than her career.

The former B-grade movie star and Playboy model (aren’t they always one and the same?) was found dead in her home at the age of 82.

Tragic, sure, but nothing strange about that now, is there? What might pique your interest is the manner in which her body was discovered.

Yvette Vickers’ mummified body was found by neighbor Susan Savage in her Beverly Hills home ONE YEAR after her death.

Yes, you read that right. Her mummified body.

The press office at the Los Angeles County Coroner assured us that mummification isn’t as rare as you might think, once you factor in “temperature, dryness of the area and the deceased person’s health”.

Well, that’s a relief… so not only was this poor Attack of the 50 Foot Woman star left to die alone, she lay for a year unnoticed, and her mummified state doesn’t even garner her appreciation for its “WTF?!” status.

Back to the actual discovery of her body by neighbour Susan “Angela Lansbury” Savage.

Clearly blessed with ninja-like Spidey senses, Savage realized that unopened letters were turning yellow in Vickers’ mail box and therefore “just had a bad feeling”.

After trawling through what sounds to me like a very Grey Gardens-esque array of junk mail, clothes and cobwebs to get to her, she discovered Yvette’s body. 

Wow, feel free to leave quick-thinking Detective Susan off my Neighbourhood Watch roster if it takes her a year to realize she hasn’t seen hide nor hideously decomposed hair from the poor ex-Playmate living next door!

MARIAH CAREY

And the hits just keep on comin’…

Mariah Carey and partner Nick Cannon must have figured that this whole “Santa Beckham” thing is surely an invitation to crank it up a notch, and got decidedly competitive when it came to the baby-naming stakes.

And so the couple proudly announced the names of their newborn twins: Moroccan and Monroe.

Okay, so Mariah clearly decided that the names had to begin with an “M”, but the real inspiration behind these ‘interesting’ names is worth some investigating.

Let’s start with the boy twin, Moroccan. I love that it’s not even Morocco, but MoroccAN.  Can you hear that little bit of crazy? Or would you like me to turn it UP?

Wait til you hear the explanation, provided on Carey’s blog following the announcement. 

Apparently the top floor of Mariah’s NYC apartment is called the Moroccan Room because of the – get this – Moroccan-inspired décor. 

Wow, creative.  So you’re telling me they decided to name their son after the décor of their African themed pad?

Fear not –publicist Cindi Berger was quick to point out not only is this the love nest where Nick Cannon proposed, but it also overlooks Manhattan.

Imagine that! I’ve never met Cindi, but I’ll bet she’s some 40-something cheerleader who dots her “i’s” with little hearts.

Considering it also begins with an “M”, I wonder if the name “Manhattan” was ever up for consideration? At least it’d be a proper noun, not a menu choice.

As for their little girl, Monroe, named after screen siren (and by all accounts one of Mariah Carey’s idols) Marilyn Monroe - I’m actually not going to argue with that one.

The woman is a goddess, a legend, and deserves a namesake.  That’s Marilyn I’m talking about, not mama Mariah.

Then Hollywood adonis Antonio Sabato Jnr, best known for Janet Jackson’s Love Will Never Do Without You music video, comes out of nowhere to declare the birth of his son - Antonio Kamakanaalohamaikalani Harvey Sabato III.

Nope, I didn’t have a conniption where my fingers flew haphazardly all over my keyboard. That’s the real spelling.

But it’s okay – that ridiculously long middle name is a Hawaiian name meaning “a gift from the heavens.” Yep, that name is a gift alright...

Not to be outdone, Clueless star Alicia Silverstone came to the party, giving birth to her first son last week too.... awww, Batgirl had a little Bat-baby. 

And the name of this cute little bundle of joy? Bear Blu.

Shut.the.front.door.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? Are they trying to gift wrap their children for an ass kicking??

JUSTIN BIEBER 

Bieber is a Brat, hey?

Evidently “CSI” star Marg Helgenberger has some sort of death wish, ’cos she was willing to go on French radio this week and label teen heartthrob Justin Bieber “a brat”.

Canadian born Bieber appeared in two episodes of the original CSI franchise as a troubled teen (with that hair? C’mon...) and according to star Helgenberger, he locked a producer in a closet and slammed a cake with his fist.

What a rebel, hey girls??

Appearing on the radio show Les Grand Direct Medias, she went on to say that Bieber wasn’t necessarily a bad actor, just that he hadn’t done much before - but at least he was better than you might think.

Wow what a great compliment. “Justin, not only do you not belong here, you’re a real pain in the ass – but at least you’re not completely incompetent!”

Lady, are you high?? Why on earth would you come out swinging at the world’s beloved Bieber??  If this chick is trying to get her face on the “World’s Most Wanted List”, she’s doing a bang up job.

For those of you fluent in French and willing to translate, here's the video.