What the hell is going on, Australia? Julia called an election, we pretended to care for five stinking weeks about stinking politics, then we had to vote (on a stinking Saturday), and now we have a hung parliament? Holy politics overkill, Batman!
While political commentators might find making jokes about a 'hung' parliament hilarious, I barely even laugh that much now when I hear it. I'm so sick of the policies, politics, politicians, and the sport pole-vaulting… though I don't know if I can really blame Tony or Julia for that. Really, I just want this time in limbo to end.
So now what? We sit it out and wait for three elected independent members, including this guy, to commit one way or the other and decide our new PM? Oh dear.
It's either that, or some jerks are suggesting we vote again. Not bloody likely! I'm not giving up another precious Saturday for this tomfoolery. As far as I'm concerned, Julia and Tony can arm wrestle it out for their place in The Lodge.
As it turns out, this time in limbo could be doing us more harm than we may have realised. In cases where the two major parties disagree on a policy (like broadband, Murray-Darling water management, and whether budgie-smugglers are an appropriate bathing attire), we're basically forced into a holding pattern. That means farmers in four states will have to wait to hear what their likely water allocation will be in 2012. That also means the company responsible for rolling out Labor's NBN won't be hiring staff or issuing tenders until an election result is confirmed. And until either Tony or Julia emerge as a clear victor, I'm stuck wearing my Speedos under my boardshorts, hedging my bets each way, which causes unnecessary chafing, which I am starting to really resent.
On a serious note, the cancer-treating drug, Erbitux, was recommended by the Pharmaceutical Benefits Advisory Committee to be added to the benefits scheme. The addition would allow bowel cancer sufferers access to the drug that according to some reports, can add months to the lives of patients. But because the recommendation was made the day before the election, neither Tony nor Julia can sign off on the recommendation, which leaves those concerned in a terrible holding pattern of their own.
So when will this hung parliament sort itself out? Well, that is the million dollar question. Some have suggested it could go on another month until the independents commit to either Tony or Julia. Another month! If that happens, experts say we'll start running into real problems. So when you next pray to your god/gods/troll doll, it might also be worth concentrating with all your might and whispering the words, "Help us Bob Katter… you're our only hope." Maybe leave a carrot out for him too, just to be safe.
The opinions expressed in the 7pm Side Project blog do not necessarily reflect those of the 7PM Project or the Ten Network.
